Week 8 Player Rankings

WEEK 8 PLAYER RANKINGS

QUARTERBACK

1. DREW BREES AT STL: A no-brainer.

2. Ben Roethlisberger vs NE: Steelers are now a pass first team

3. Michael Vick vs DAL: Eagles off a bye…yes please

4. Cam Newton vs MIN: Just watch out for Jared Allen

5. Phillip Rivers at KC: Chiefs secondary still lousy

6. Tom Brady at PIT: To beat Steelers, you have to run

7. Tony Romo at PHI:

8. Eli Manning vs MIA

9. Matt Hasselbeck vs IND: You saw Drew Brees last week, right?

10. Joe Flacco vs ARI: Very angry birds

11. Tim Tebow vs DET

12. Matt Stafford at DEN

13. Matt Schaub vs JAX: Still no Andre

14. Alex Smith vs CLE: Should be an action packed game (sarcasm)

15. Ryan Fitzpatrick vs WAS: Skins secondary is pretty good

16. Matt Cassel vs SD

17. Christian Ponder at CAR

18. John Beck at BUF

19. Andy Dalton at SEA

20. Tarvaris Jackson vs CIN

21. Curtis Painter at TEN

22. AJ Feely vs NO

23. Colt McCoy at SF

24. Matt Moore at NYG

RUNNING BACK

1. Arian Foster vs JAX

2. Adrian Peterson at CAR

3. Frank Gore vs CLE: Just a hunch

4. Fred Jackson vs WAS: This is how you beat the Skins

5. Ray Rice vs ARI: Ravens will run up this score

6. LeSean McCoy vs DAL

7. Chris Johnson vs IND: Has to happen. Right?

8. Ryan Matthews at KC: Inactive Tolbert helps

9. Steven Jackson vs NO

10. Ahmad Bradshaw vs MIA

11. Maurice Jones-Drew at HOU: Getting the carries, now needs the scores

12. Darren Sproles at STL

13. BenJarvus Green-Ellis at PIT: Need to run to win at Pittsburgh

14. DeMarco Murray at PHI

15. Rashard Mendenhall vs NE

16. Knowshon Moreno vs DET: Tebow steals the goal line carries

17. Ryan Torain at BUF

18. Pierre Thomas at STL: No Ingram is good news for Pierre

19. Bernard Scott at SEA: Suspended Benson

20. Maurice Morris at DEN: Still no Best

21. Reggie Bush at NYG: Thomas inactive

22. Marshawn Lynch vs CIN

23. Jackie Battle vs SD

24. Peyton Hillis at SF

25. Jonathan Stewart vs MIN: Who knows with this backfield

26. DeAngelo Williams vs MIN: Flip a coin

27. Delone Carter at TEN

28. Roy Helu at BUF

29. Alfonso Smith at BAL: Desperate much?

30. Chris Ivory at STL

WIDE RECEIVER

1. Mike Wallace vs NE

2. Hakeem Nicks vs MIA

3. Calvin Johnson at DEN

4. Marques Colston at STL

5. Wes Welker at PIT

6. Jeremy Maclin vs DAL

7. Steve Smith vs MIN

8. Dwayne Bowe vs SD

9. Miles Austin at PHI

10. Steve Johnson vs WAS

11. DeSean Jackson vs DAL

12. Anquan Boldin vs ARI

13. Larry Fitzgerald at BAL

14. Brandon Lloyd vs NO

15. Nate Washington vs IND

16. Dez Bryant at PHI

17. Pierre Garcon at TEN

18. Antonio Brown vs NE

19. Brandon Marshall at NYG

20. AJ Green at SEA

21. Mario Manningham vs MIA

22. Jabar Gaffney at BUF

23. Michael Crabtree vs CLE

24. Reggie Wayne at TEN

25. Demaryius Thomas vs DET

26. Steve Breaston vs SD

27. Michael Jenkins at CAR

28. David Nelson vs WAS

29. Greg Little at SF

30. Victor Cruz vs MIA

31. Deion Branch at PIT

32. Sidney Rice vs CIN

33. Lance Moore at STL

34. Torrey Smith vs ARI

35. Kevin Walter vs JAX

36. Nate Burleson at DEN

TIGHT END

1. Jimmy Graham at STL

2. Antonio Gates at KC

3. Jason Witten at PHI

4. Owen Daniels vs JAX

5. Aaron Hernandez at PIT

6. Brandon Pettigrew at DEN

7. Fred Davis at BUF

8. Vernon Davis vs CLE

9. Greg Olsen vs MIN

10. Jermaine Gresham at SEA

11. Rob Gronkowski at PIT

12. Jared Cook vs IND

13. Evan Moore at SF

14. Jake Ballard vs MIA

15. Visanthe Shiancoe at CAR

KICKER

1. Rob Bironas vs IND

2. John Kasay at STL

3. Jason Hanson at DEN

4. Billy Cundiff vs ARI

5. David Akers vs CLE

6. Neil Rackers vs JAX

7. Dan Bailey at PHI

8. Nick Novak at KC

9. Olindo Mare vs MIN

10. Rian Lindell vs WAS

11. Alex Henery vs DAL

12. Ryan Longwell at CAR

13. Josh Brown vs NO

14. Lawrence Tynes vs MIA

15. Graham Gano at BUF

DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS

1. Baltimore vs ARI

2. NY Giants vs MIA

3. Tennessee vs IND

4. New Orleans at STL

5. Cincinnati at SEA

6. San Francisco vs CLE

7. Houston vs JAX

8. Carolina vs MIN

9. Philadelphia vs DAL

10. Cleveland at SF

11. Seattle vs CIN

12. Dallas at PHI

13. Buffalo vs WAS

14. Minnesota at CAR

15. Detroit vs DEN

Week 8 Fantasy Football: ‘Get ’em a body bag’

In my opinion, the greatest movie quote from a completely unknown character said ‘Get ’em a body bag.” (It was Tommy of the Cobra Kai, by the way).
NFL running backs are dropping like flies and even the return of the McRib can’t put a smile on my face.
With six teams on a bye, the pickings were slim to start with. Then, the bottom dropped out.
Earnest Graham got two carries. Darren McFadden — two. Marshawn Lynch — zero.
And the hits kept coming. Tim Hightower, done for the year. Beanie Wells, two to three weeks. Willis McGahee, two weeks to a month. Mark Ingram, who knows.
And to top it all off, Skeletor with a tan was at it again last week, proving that he doesn’t really care about winning, just about screwing over fantasy football players.
After leading the team in carries the previous two weeks, Ryan Torain, inexplicably, got two carries against the dreadful Panther’s defense. Even after Hightower blew a tire, Torain still didn’t get the ball.
The only way you can start Torain or Roy Helu going forward is if one or the other is inactive. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting a zero (as I can personally attest to — two carries for negative 5 yards!)
Earnest Byner, Ricky Ervins, Terry Allen — it wouldn’t surprise me if any of these guys come out of retirement to carry the load.
What makes all these injuries even worse is the fact that there are very few clear cut replacements stepping in.
How’s that KC running game working out since Jamal Charles went down? Jackie Battle led the team in carries last week with 16, but LaRon McClain and Javier Arenas got the two rushing touchdowns.
In case you are not Javier Arenas or his mom, Arenas is a cornerback. Seriously, defensive back Javier Arenas has more rushing touchdowns on the season than the Chiefs’ two feature backs Battle and Dexter McCluster.
Arizona’s situation without Beanie is no better. You want Alfonso Smith or LaRod Stephens Howling? Me neither.
One good thing that did come out of week 7 was the arrival of DeMarco Murray.
The Cowboys have had some pretty good running backs in their time and Murray surpassed them all last week with his 253 yard day.
Yes, it was against the Rams, a team that would likely lose to Boise State, but still.
If there is a player on this planet that fits the definition of “sell high” it is Murray. It’s a shame, but he’s got a number of things going against him.
First is Jerry Jones, who handpicked Felix Jones to be America’s Next Top Running Back. In case you are new to this planet, Jerry doesn’t like to be proven wrong.
Next is Jason Garrett, who, in case you are Jerry Jones, isn’t a very good head football coach.
That should all add up to Felix being back to his Marion Barber-like ways by week 10 and Murray relegated to being the guy who runs out on the field to grab the tee during kickoffs. Sell! Sell! Sell!
Atlanta, Chicago, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Oakland and the Jets are off in week 8 and since I don’t own a single Packer in any of my leagues, this makes me happy.
If you are struggling with injuries or the bye weeks, here are some guys who could help (or hurt) you this weekend.

Put ’em in!
QB:  Christian Ponder at CAR: Ponder looked pretty good last week against the high pressure Packers defense. He’s got weapons, but more importantly, he’s got the Panthers defense. Carolina is near the bottom of the league in sacks and interceptions (12 and 4, respectively). This game could be a shootout.
RB1: Darren Sproles vs. STL: We all know how bad the Rams are against the run and I could see the Saints playing it cautious with Mark Ingram (do they really need to rush him back for this game?) Sproles has been the most consistent of the New Orleans backs anyway, but this week he could be extra special.
RB2: Javon Ringer vs. IND: CJ1K has bottomed out. The Titans have to do what is best for them right now or else the Texans are going to run away with the division. As I write this, Ringer is the better option for Tennessee.
WR1: Anquan Boldin vs. ARI: An angry Ravens squad is never any fun. Arizona has given up the fourth most points to WR this year and travel across country for a 1 p.m. game.
WR2: Mario Manningham vs. MIA: Mario was banged up for a while, but fresh off the bye, I expect him to return to the upper tier of wideouts, starting with a tasty matchup with the Fins. The Dolphins have given up a touchdown to a wide receiver in every game so far this year.
WR3: Brandon Lloyd vs NO: It didn’t take Lloyd long to get back in the swing of things with former head coach Josh McDaniels.  Lloyd was targeted a team high 12 times in his first game with the Rams. They’ll be playing from behind once again this week, so that should mean more numbers.
TE: Owen Daniels vs. JAX: Nobody allows more tight end receptions than the Jags. Houston is clicking and Jacksonville is due for a letdown coming off its biggest win of the year.
D/ST: Giants vs. MIA: The Giants are getting healthy, while the majority of Dolphins players wish they were getting hurt so they didn’t have to be a part of this abomination.

Take 'em out
QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. WAS: The Skins have allowed just five passing touchdowns all year (that’s how many the Colts gave up just last week). Only the Jets and the Ravens have given up less. The Bills win this one, but they do it on the ground.
RB1: Bernard Scott at SEA: Scott is a trendy pickup this week since he will get the start with Cedric Benson suspended. But Seattle is actually pretty good against the run and if Scott was so good, why hasn’t he beaten Benson out of a job by now?
RB2: Maurice Morris at DEN: Jahvid Best is still out, but I counter that with the fact that Maurice Morris is still bad. Plus, Denver’s rush defense is solid, yet to allow a RB to score this year.
WR1: Sidney Rice vs. CIN: This is more of a condemnation of Charlie Whitehurst than Rice. Tavaris Jackson could return this week, in which case you could consider giving Sidney some love. But Nate Clements and Leon Hall have been able to shut down better wideouts than this.
WR2: Reggie Wayne at TEN: Do you think Reggie wishes that he could take back that endorsement of Curtis Painter? Wayne has become a non-factor, having not scored since week one. He was targeted a season low four times last week and this week draws a tough Titans secondary.
WR3: Dez Bryant at PHI: The Dez hype is way overblown. The way people talk you’d think he was Jerry Rice reincarnated, but the numbers don’t jive. ‘Oh, I’m injured…wah, wah, wah.’ The fact of the matter is Dez is on pace for a 904 yard, 50 catch season and this week he locks up with a rejuvenated Eagles defense. You probably won’t be sitting Bryant on your bench, but if you think he is a top 10 receiver, you are kidding yourself.
TE: Heath Miller vs. NE: As bad as the Patriots secondary is at stopping opposing wide receivers, they have thus far stifled tight ends. Miller has picked his game up of late, but this could be a down week against New England.
K: Stephen Gostkowski at PIT: Heinz Field is a kicker’s nightmare and Gostkowski hasn’t been good for much more than extra points this year anyhow.
D/ST: Jacksonville at HOU: The Jags held Baltimore to just seven points last week. Hopefully you took full advantage, because you might never see that again.
Suicide Pool Pick of the Week: The Ravens will not lose to Arizona. So it is written.
Keep an eye out for my weekly positional rankings which will be posted every Friday on mapleshadeprogress.com’s blog section on the bottom right of the screen. Also tune your radio to Z88.9 FM, Burlington County College radio, this and every Sunday at noon.  We’ll be offering up all the last minute fantasy advice you might need to make it a winning week.

Week 7: I’ve eaten some bad juju

I’ve always believed that one of the biggest reasons for the popularity of Fantasy Football is it gives you reason to root against others.
It’s fun to root on your own team. But it’s even more fun to root against your opponents, especially if that fellow owner is in the room with you at the time.
While I’ll never, ever root for a player to suffer a serious injury, I’ll admit that seeing an opponent limp off with a hamstring or a twisted ankle has on occasion put a smile on my face. (Get well soon, Felix!)
Unfortunately, I think some of those bad vibes are coming back to bite me. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, with my fantasy teams on losing streaks and my weekly play’em/sit’em suggestions suffering as well. (I’m looking at you Peyton Hillis!)
So this week, in order to buck the trend, I’m turning lovey dovey. I’m going to offer apologies to those I have chastised. I will right the wrongs of the first six weeks. (But if it doesn’t change things, the old me will be back next week. By the power of Greyskull!)
 Like a recovering alcoholic, I will now make amends to those I have up until now forsaken.
Jay Cutler: You will win a big game on your own. You are not a waste of talent. Your chin is not funny looking. You are the true leader of your team. People do like you.
Tony Romo: Those interceptions are not your fault, it was the wind. Your coach is wrong, you should be allowed to throw the ball late in a game when you are winning on the road against a better team. Jessica Simpson did get fat because you left her. There’s nothing wrong with your new wife having 15 bridesmaids at your wedding.
Chris Johnson: Take your time and get into game shape. You play hard when you feel up to it. Three yards per carry ain’t easy.
Brandon Jacobs: You are not fat, you are husky, and they make the clothes to prove it. You are the reason the Giants won Super Bowl 42. When you come back from injury, you should be the man, not Ahmad Bradshaw.
Steve Smith: You’ve been on my team every year except this one. I’m sorry for what I said about you last season when you caught two touchdowns and gained more than 55 yards just once over the final 12 weeks. You didn’t quit on your team, they quit on you.
Hines Ward: You are not a cheap shot artist, those are clean blocks when you blindside a guy 30 yards away from the play. That breathalyzer was faulty.
Dez Bryant: Walking through the mall with your pants around your knees is classy, don’t change. You aren’t injury prone, you are just delicate. There is a BIG difference. Deion Sanders knows how to teach humility.
Brent Celek: In the 22 games since I bought my son your jersey, you have averaged 2.5 catches and 28 yards per game. I am burning that jersey as we speak.
Sebastian Janikowski: You are thin (compared to an offensive linemen, Kirstie Alley or Chris Christie). Black is not slimming, you should get yourself traded to Tampa Bay. You are 42nd all-time in field goal accuracy and don’t forget it.

Put ’Em In!
QB: Matt Cassell at OAK: It’s the first bye week with some bite (no Vick, Brady, Dalton(!)), so you’re going to have to try a little harder in week 7. After taking a dump in week two, Cassell has turned things around with three straight strong games. The Raiders have given up the third most points to QB’s on the year, including multiple TD passes in 5 straight games. With the ground game still up in the air, Cassell is a great fill-in for the week.
RB1: DeMarco Murray vs STL: Tashard Choice is second on the depth chart, but when Felix Jones went down last week with a sprained ankle, Murray was the one who got the call the rest of the way (10 carries to Choice’s five). St. Louis stinks against the run and could be out of this one rather quickly.
RB2: Mark Ingram vs IND: Another team lousy against the run that could find itself in a big hole right quick. Ingram’s yardage totals have been disappointing, but he has scored in three of the last four games. He is the team’s go to guy in the red zone.
WR1: Greg Little vs SEA: Twenty targets in two games. It sounds like Colt McCoy has found his go-to guy. Little has yet to find the endzone, but that will come in due time. If Little is still on your waiver wire, stop reading this and go grab him. Then come back and finish reading.
WR2: Pierre Garcon at NO: The Saints are still susceptible to the pass, having allowed eight TD’s to wide receivers so far. Garcon is clearly Curtis Painter’s favorite target. If I would have told you that before the season started, you would have likely said ‘That’s nice. Who the hell is Curtis Painter?’ Garcon had 11 balls thrown his way last week, Reggie Wayne had six.
WR3: DeMaryius Thomas at MIA: The trade of Brandon Lloyd opens the door for Thomas, though he is still listed as questionable for this week with an injured finger (Since when does a WR need good fingers?) He’s yet to play at all this season, so don’t expect miracles (despite Tim Tebow’s presence). But Thomas could turn out to be a valuable commodity as the season progresses.
TE1: Kellen Winslow vs CHI: Two constants thus far this year. Winslow has been solid (4.5 catches and 43 yards per game), but unspectacular (0 TD’s and a game high of 66 yards). And the Bears have struggled against tight ends, allowing a league high 40 receptions and five touchdowns.
D/ST: Broncos at MIA: There has been nothing spectacular about the Denver D all season. But we saw on Monday night that Miami is in tanksville.
Since Champ Bailey returned from injury, the Denver secondary has performed much better. For a one week fill-in, Denver is as good as you can hope for.

Take ’em out!
QB: Phillip Rivers at NYJ: The Jets are a mess, except for their secondary, which is holding opposing QB’s to a scant 6.7 points per game. Antonio Gates might be back, but it’s not worth the risk.
RB1: Steven Jackson at DAL: The Cowboys have yet to allow a 100-yard rush and have allowed only one touchdown to a RB all year (way back in week two). They’ve also allowed the fewest receiving yards to RB’s. Jackson will get better, you’ll just have to wait for it.
RB2: Jahvid Best vs ATL: The Falcons have been stingy against the run, but at the same time have allowed four receiving touchdowns by backs, an area Best typically thrives. But Best did not practice on Wednesday and I’d be shocked if he played on Sunday after suffering a concussion last week. Grab Mo Morris if you absolutely need a RB to fill in for Jahvid.
WR1: Plaxico Burress vs SD: Too many times this year I’ve been burned by the Jets passing game. No more, it ends here. The Chargers have allowed opposing WR’s to score just twice all year. Even more stunning stat: Burress has 14 catches on 37 targets! There is obviously some kind of disconnect between him and Sanchez. Time to cut bait.
WR2: Robert Meacham vs IND: The Colts stink against the pass, but it doesn’t matter. Meacham has become an afterthought in the Saints offense. With 61 total yards over the past two games. Targeted just twice all of last week. Colston, Graham, Henderson, Moore and Sproles are all above Meacham in the pecking order.
WR3: Mike Sims-Walker vs unemployment: In case you haven’t heard, Sims-Walker was released by the Rams. That’s equivalent to losing your job as a tenured teacher. You have to do something really, really wrong to lose that gig. The Rams big offseason acquisition was a bust from the start.
TE1: Marcedes Lewis vs BAL: With the release of David Garrard, so goeth Marcedes Lewis’ fantasy value. After breaking out with 700 yards and 10 TD’s in 2010, Lewis has become a complete non-factor with Blaine Gabbert. Lewis has 10 catches for 116 yards and zero scores. And here come the Ravens, the stingiest tight end defense in the league.
D/ST:  Steelers at ARI: This comes with a caveat. If Troy Polamalu cannot go due to a concussion, than this could be a dicey play. The team is a completely different animal without him in the lineup. If Polamalu plays, then forget all of this.
Suicide Pool Pick of the Week: Dallas is the easy choice. The Cowboys seem to circle the wagons after a bad loss and who better to ambush than the lowly Rams.  

Week 6 Fantasy Football: This is starting to hurt

So what if the Lions are 5-0 for the first time since 1956.
I had a team with a chance to do the same thing this weekend, but was denied by a kicker and a defense. The horror. The horror.
Bad beats happen all the time. Some just sting a little more than others.
My loss this week stung a little more than others for a couple of reasons. First, my opponent had Sebastian Janikowski, he of the trio of 50-yard field goals. The portly one was the high scorer on my foe’s team.
I screwed up by starting the Tampa Bay defense. I picked up the Bucs the week before for their juicy matchup with the Colts. Leading up to the Niners game, I tried to pick up a replacement, but was outbid for any decent waiver targets. So I figured I would just roll with the Bucs — what’s the worst that could happen? Well, a negative 9 points later, the orange pirates ended up costing me a win. (I lost by 3).
It’s not the baddest of beats, but it stung.
Everyone has a bad beat story. Luckily mine came in week five.
The most painful I’ve ever seen came in the fantasy championship week of 1999 and it has become known simply as “The Levens Incident.”
Late in his game, Brett Favre dropped back to pass, but got his feet tangled underneath him and started to fall to the ground. Instead of taking the sack, he hurriedly handed the ball off to halfback Dorsey Levens, who had stayed in to block.
Levens got buried behind the line of scrimmage, dropping his stat line for the day from 102 yards to 98. That simple play cost the owner in question 6 points and the championship.
To this day, my friend has a deep-seeded loathing of Favre and while he claims that it is because of Favre’s all around tooliness, I know that it all started with that one play.
Another bad beat that is etched in my brain came in the fantasy playoffs of 1997. The Lions and Barry Sanders were in the process of putting away the Jets in week 16. Leading by three, the Lions needed just a first down to finish things off.
Sanders, however, had other ideas. He burst through a hole and down the right sideline, for what looked to be a game ending touchdown.
But somehow, Sanders got caught. And tackled at the one-yard line. No touchdown, no championship for Sanders’ owner. Epic fail.
My chincy loss this week goes to validate two points that I’ve made all along. 1. Kickers are the scourge of fantasy football. 2. Luck is the name of the game and I ain’t talking about Andrew.
What’s the most painful loss you’ve ever incurred in fantasy? If you can beat the Dorsey Levens incident, I’d love to hear it.
On to the plays/non-plays of the week. Arizona, Denver, KC, San Diego, Seattle and Tennessee are all on their bye. I’m not sure how the NFL knew to give bye weeks to all the lousy teams in the early going, but they did it.

Put ’em in
QB:  Mark Sanchez vs. MIA: There is only one decent quarterback off this week (Phillip Rivers), so most of us are good to go. The Dolphins have a league low, two interceptions, while at the same time allowing nine passing touchdowns. Sanchez has burned me before, but the Jets are in desperation mode and cannot afford to fall to 2-4.
Sanchez is proving that he is not a very good quarterback. But at home on Monday night against the fish is as good a place as any to give him a spot start.
RB1: Ryan Torain vs. PHI: This is a cheapie, because he was in this spot last week. But hopefully you picked up Torain and are prepared to let him run wild on that sweet, sweet wide 9. Amazing stat of the week: the Eagles are giving up more than 211 combined yards per game to opposing RB’s. The Niners are giving up 86. The Ravens: 89. As an Eagle’s fan, I can tell you I absolutely want to vomit.
RB2: Peyton Hillis at OAK: Hillis has been a big time disappointment so far, but if you are a fan of the Madden video game, this should come as no surprise to you. But this week, all could be forgiven as he takes on the poor Raiders rush defense.
What I like best about the matchup is Hillis’ pass catching ability. The Raiders have given up nearly 400 receiving yards to running backs in five games. Hillis has a rough schedule from here on out, so might I suggest riding him in this tasty matchup with Oakland and then trading him before things turn south.
WR1: AJ Green vs. INDY: Everyone is ranting and raving about the Patriots secondary, but since the first two games, they have clamped down on opposing wideouts. Indy, on the other hand, is abhorrent against the pass. The Colts have allowed wideouts to score six touchdowns over the past three games.
WR2: David Nelson at NYG: Nelson has slowed down after a fast start, but the injury to Donald Jones should help rectify that. Nelson only caught one ball last week, but when you are playing the Eagles, why bother passing the ball? The Giants, on the other hand, have secondary issues. When Charlie Whitehurst and Tavaris Jackson combine to throw for 300 yards against you, you’ve got problems.
WR3: Steve Breaston vs. BYE: I’ve always been a Breaston man. I was counting on good things from him in KC, but through the first couple weeks, he fell off the map. But now, he’s grasping the system and gaining the confidence of Matt Cassell. The Chiefs schedule sets up nicely from here on out, with only the Steelers (week 12) and the Jets (week 14) providing daunting matchups.
TE: Heath Miller vs. JAX: The Jags give it up to tight ends and the Steelers seem resolved to the fact that they will not be able to run the ball at all this season.
Miller always seems to find the endzone at home. He’s been mediocre so far this season, but this is a nice matchup.
D/ST: Steelers vs. JAX: It’s becoming more and more evident that the Steelers are a team to be reckoned with when at home (8.5 ppg), while ignored on the road (24 ppg). Home against Blaine of Steel? Yes please!

Take ’em out
QB: Matt Schaub at BALT: Opposing QB’s are averaging 6.3 fantasy points per week against this defense. They have allowed three touchdown passes, opposed to 6 INT’s. No Andre for you! Give Schaub the hook.
RB1: Frank Gore at DET: The Niners defense has better overall numbers against halfbacks, but the Lions have had tougher tests (Adrian Peterson, Matt Forte). Detroit has allowed only 1 TD by a running back all season.
RB2: LeSean McCoy at WASH: I’d be amazed if you had two running backs better than McCoy to play in week 6. Just be prepared for a tougher than expected matchup with the Skins. Washington has held the likes of Ahmad Bradshaw, Beanie Wells, Felix Jones, and Steven Jackson to just two touchdowns. More impressive, their linebackers have allowed RB’s to haul in just 13 catches through four games.
WR1: Raiders WR vs. CLE: The Browns are decent against the pass, holding opposing wideouts to a league low 34 receptions. But just as important, I don’t know which Raider WR is Campbell’s go to guy.
It looked like Denarius Moore, but he was shutout last week at Houston. Darrius Heyward-Bey has put together two nice weeks in a row, albeit against lousy secondaries. Then there was a Chaz Schilens sighting last week. Stay away until someone truly emerges.
WR2: Harry Douglas vs. CAR: With Julio Jones likely out with a hamstring, Douglas is expected to slide into the starting lineup. If you are faced with starting Harry Douglas or being lit on fire, I’d think long and hard about the decision.
WR3: Roy Williams vs. MINN: “Atta boy Roy” has 6 catches in three games. Does anyone on this planet wish they had a time machine more than Mike Martz? Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce are not walking through that door. Maybe Az-Zahir Hakim is available?
TE: Scott Chandler at NYG: The Giants defend the TE well (I know, right?) It’s one of the few good things they are good at. Chandler’s targets have been dwindling and he’s racked up 22 total yards in the last three games. The cheese is bad.
K: Sebastian Janikowski vs. CLE: Now and forever more.
D/ST: Rams at GB: Because I know you were thinking about starting them.
Suicide Pool Pick of the Week: I led you astray last week. Double digit favorites at home against a team that had one out of division road win in the past five years. It was too obvious. Plus it was Eli. I don’t know what I was thinking.
If you didn’t heed my advice and are somehow still alive, you have lots of good choices this week. Personally, I’d take Chicago at home against Minny. Bears off of a loss, Vikings off of what could be their only win. At Chicago on national TV. Urlacher is ticked off. And Merriweather is still giving cheap shots. Go Bears.

Week 5 Fantasy Football: Are you in or are you out?

In this age of political correctness, it’s almost sacrilegious to say something negative, even though it might be the truth.
While I don’t ever aim to hurt feelings (unless you are a Yankees fan), sometimes you just have to be honest.
I’ve coached a number of my son and daughter’s sports teams and believe me, I have become an expert at biting my tongue.
Like when the boy playing goalie abandons his post mid-game to chase a butterfly.
Or when the girl on my daughter’s basketball team runs away from a rebound as if the ball was made out of the bubonic plague.
By week five of the fantasy football season, you should have an idea whether your team is good or not.
I have one team that is 2-2 and I can tell you that it is plain awful. There is no reason on earth that I should have won two games and those owners who I beat should probably quit fantasy altogether.
That team is going nowhere and I know it. Does that mean I’m going to give up? Of course not, but I’m being realistic.  
Here are some ways to know if this is just not your year:
n If you have had to start LaDanian Tomlinson at all in the first four weeks.
n If you were excited about picking up Devin Hester in a league that doesn’t count special teams yardage.
n If you entered the year thinking the Colts wouldn’t miss a beat with Kerry Collins at QB.
n If your biggest decision each week is which of your three kickers you should start.
n If your first four picks in the draft were Jamal Charles, Peyton Manning, Kenny Britt and Antonio Gates.
n If, after week one, you spent your entire season’s free agent budget on Ted Ginn, Jacoby Jones and Randall Cobb.
n If you are still saying out loud “Don’t worry, Andy Reid knows what he is doing.”
n If you are still making Rex Ryan foot jokes.
n If you think you should trade Tom Brady because he cut off his flowing mane.
n If you ever said the words Donnie Avery and sleeper in the same sentence, unless that sentence is “Donnie Avery is NOT a good sleeper.”
Bye weeks are here, making your bench more important than ever. Cleveland, Dallas, St. Louis, Tennessee, Washington and Baltimore are all off in week five, so prepare accordingly.

Put’em in
QB: Donovan McNabb vs. ARI: Goodness he has been terrible, but Donny Mc has some things going for him. He’s increased his point totals every single week. He’s playing at home against a weak Arizona secondary. And the Cardinals are pretty good against the run and I’m sure their gameplan will be to stop AP and make Captain Chunky beat them.
RB1: Ryan Torain bye: Now obviously I’m not telling you to put Torain into your starting lineup, but I am telling you to put him on your team. But it is becoming more and more obvious that Mike Shanahan doesn’t like handing the ball to Tim Hightower. Torain gets injured a lot, but when he’s healthy (like now), he can be a RB1. In eight full games last season, Torain rushed for 742 yards. Grab him and ride him while you can.
RB2: Isaac Redman vs. TEN: The Steelers are struggling and a big reason is Rashard Mendenhall and his 3.0 yards per carry. Big Ben isn’t going to get benched. Neither is Mike Wallace nor Hines Ward. If Mike Tomlin is going to shake things up, it will be in the backfield and Redman has been much more explosive than Mendenhall, though in a smaller capacity. I’m still drooling when I look at the Steelers schedule down the stretch.  Mendenhall is likely to sit out this week with a hamstring and a big game for Redman could make the change permanent.
WR1: Julio Jones vs. GB: I’m not big on rookie receivers, but Jones looks like the real deal. (Atlanta still overpaid for him). Jones has yet to score, but his 38 targets are eighth in the league, ahead of guys like Steve Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald and Greg Jennings. Speaking of Green Bay, their lone weak spot is the secondary, allowing the third most points to WRs. Matt Ryan has a lot of targets, which is the only thing holding Julio down. My bet is that this is the week he finally finds the endzone.
WR2: Pierre Garcon vs. KC: Who would have thunk that Curtis Painter would actually make a difference (besides Reggie Wayne of course)? Garcon led the team with eight targets with Painter under center and, though he only caught two of them, those two both went for long scores. Garcon still drops too many passes, but with the Colts likely to be behind a lot, Garcon should keep getting looks. At home versus a poor KC secondary makes Garcon a good play.
WR3: Santonio Holmes at NE: I told you to play Holmes last week because I knew he would get the targets. And that he did — 12 of them! Unfortunately, Mark Sanchez eats it, so Holmes was only able to haul in three of those passes. New England gives up the most points to wide receivers in the league and though Rex says they will be going back to grounding and pounding, I think the matchup will be too good to resist.
TE1: Jermaine Gresham at JAX: The Jags defense has been better than advertised, but the one place they are vulnerable is defending the tight end. Gresham is second on the team in targets (28 to AJ Green’s 33) and seems to have a good rapport with Andy Dalton. The Jags have given up scores to tight ends in three straight games. Gresham should make it four.
D/ST: Titans at PITT: The Steelers offensive line is a sieve. The Titans has allowed a league low 56 points (hard to believe, right?).  Can I name three starters on the Titans defense? No. But if they make a stand on the road this weekend, I promise I’ll learn.

Take ’em out
QB: Kyle Orton vs. SD: I have a feeling this is make or break week for Orton. The Tebowphiles are breathing down John Fox’s neck. If the Broncos make the move, they won’t be able to go back. So once Orton is out he stays out, meaning you’ve got some dead weight on your roster.
RB1: Michael Turner vs. GB: Just how explosive is the Packers offense? So explosive that opposing running backs have averaged less than 15 carries per game against the pack, mainly due to the fact that teams are constantly having to play catch-up. In fact, opposing RBs have nearly as many receptions (34) as they do carries (59). Turner has played well so far, but he is a complete non-factor in the passing game (six catches). There won’t be many weeks when Turner is a sit’em, but this is one of them.
RB2: Mike Tolbert at DEN: The Broncos have yet to allow a rushing TD to a halfback this season, holding opposing runners to less than 100 yards per game. Take out week one against RUN DMC and the Broncos have held opposing RBs to just over 50 yards per game. Tolbert’s carries have been dwindling while Ryan Matthews’ have been increasing (37-10 over the past two games). Tolbert is becoming a goal line vulture and nothing more.
WR1: Mario Manningham vs. SEA: This one should be over quickly, meaning the G-Men will be running all day against the Hawks. Not only that, but Manningham finally finds himself as the number three man on the depth chart, having been surpassed by Victor Cruz. Seattle has allowed just two touchdowns to wide receivers on the season and Manningham won’t be the third.
WR2: Devery Henderson at CAR: Marques Colston, Jimmy Graham, Lance Moore, Robert Meacham, Darren Sproles. There are only so many balls to go around. Henderson was targeted only once more than I was last week and he caught as many passes as my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Booth (who has been dead for 10 years).
WR3: Hines Ward vs. TEN: Another guy caught up in the numbers game. Ward has seen his catches go down every single week (5 to 4 to 3 to 1). If you received points for cheap shot blocks, Ward would be worth keeping. Otherwise, it is time to move on.
TE: Owen Daniels at OAK:  A tough week for tight ends. Witten, Davis and Dickson are on bye. Gronkowski, Finley and Keller have tough matchups. If you have Daniels, you almost have to start him (especially with Andre Johnson out). But don’t expect much. The Raiders hold tight ends to the fourth lowest point total in the league. And last week, they held the red hot Gronkowski to just one catch.
K: Alex Henery at BUF: We’ll see how the kid responds to last week’s two bad misses, which essentially cost the Eagles the game. If he has character, he’ll bounce back. If not, he’ll miss three field goals and then kidnap Dan Marino.
D/ST:  Jets at NE: The second-ranked defense in terms of fantasy points, but you can’t start them at New England. Even if they pick off Tom Brady four times, the Patriots are still likely to put up 30 plus points. Brady has been sacked just four times and has thrown only one INT outside of the Bills debacle.
Suicide Pool Pick: Well, I’m four-for-four and that means if you followed my advice, you are still alive heading into week five. Gone are the Cardinals, Jets, Chargers and Buccaneers (whew, that was closer than it should have been!) After taking some chances, I think I’m going to go for what looks like the easiest play of the week — the Giants at home against the Seahawks. Seattle is never good on the road, plus they are likely focused more on their week 6 bye instead of a weekend getaway to Newark.

Week 4 : How many ways can you spell ‘I hate you?’

Rearrange the letters in the words ‘tight end’ and see what you can spell.
Tight den. Tenth dig. Ted Night (Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice! also, I know his name is spelled with a ‘k.’)
I myself have come up with a new way to spell tight end. It is: I hate you with every fiber of my soul!
For the first time ever, I went for the big fish at tight end this year. When I said “Antonio Gates” in the fourth round, there were some gasps. Two burps, a fart and I’m pretty sure somebody fainted. (Though to be fair, he might have just been blacked out drunk.)
I never take a tight end early, always going for the value picks late in the day —the Owen Daniels and Visanthe Shiancoe’s of the world.
But this year, I wanted the best. I wanted the guy who could single handedly win you a week in PPR leagues. While I would be playing Gates and earning 30 points, my opponent was going to be stuck hoping that Heath Miller doesn’t put up a 2 for 23 week.
And what does my hubris give me in return?
One game, 74 yards and god only knows what next. Gates and his humongous feet are giving me a humongous migraine and I know that I’m not alone. The moral of this story is simple. Reaching at a position is for suckers. Take the best player available and move along.
If I would have stuck with my mantra, I could have had the likes of Dez Bryant, Santonio Holmes, Wes Welker or Ryan Matthews, each of whom was selected right after Gates and each of whom will wind up producing much more than him.
For now, I’m stuck hoping that Scott Chandler keeps playing over his head until Gates can get back on the field, though I’m pretty sure Chandler’s magic carpet ride is soon going to come to a screeching halt.
I hate you all.
Enough of the therapy session. On to this week’s plays.

Put ’em in
QB: Jason Campbell vs. NE: I’m scared to death to start Michael Vick this week, considering he’s played three games and only finished one of them. I could easily see Patrick Willis ripping out Vick’s spine this week, ala the Predator. That being the case, Campbell is a solid play at home against a vulgar Patriots secondary which has given up 1,163 yards through the air and six touchdowns in three games.
RB1: Kendall Hunter at PHI: Frank Gore is banged up and might not be ready to go, which is a shame because as we all know the Eagles run defense is soft like buttah’. Keep your eye on the injury report. If Gore can’t get over his ankle, Hunter is a start.
RB2: Daniel Thomas at SD: The Reggie Bush experiment is all but over. Thomas is the lead dog in Miami and rightfully so. Bush’s touches have gone from 20 to 7 to 12, while Thomas’ have gone from 0 to 19 to 26. Averaging 2.8 yards per carry will do that to you.
WR1: Jordy Nelson vs. DEN: Jordy deserves more love and more footballs thrown his way. Over the past two weeks, Denver has surrendered 300-yard passing days to Andy Dalton and Matt Hasselbeck. How many will Aaron Rodgers throw for?
WR2: Jabar Gaffney at STL: If some dude named Torrey Smith can light you up for 152 yards, than almost anybody can. Even Jabar and his wonky eye.
WR3: Mike Thomas vs. NO: Thomas looks like he is Blaine Gabbert’s favorite target as he looked for him eight times last week. Gabbert isn’t going to connect on many, but when he does, Thomas will be the beneficiary. Combine that with a filthy Saints secondary and you might have some fun this weekend.
TE: Brandon Pettigrew at DAL: I was going to say Leonard Pope, since the Vikings simply give it up to tight ends. But if Leonard Pope is on your roster, you’ve got bigger fish to fry. After stumbling out of the gates, Pettigrew erupted last week, hauling in 11 catches and being targeted an amazing 13 times. I know that everyone is head over heels in love with Sean Lee right now, but I think Pettigrew eats his lunch.
D/ST: Tampa Bay vs. IND: Indy gave it all they had for the national audience last week and still fell flat. TB has given up just 16 points over its last 6 quarters. This might be the last you ever see of Kerry Collins.

Take ’em out
QB: Eli Manning at ARI: Manning and the G-Men played an absolutely perfect game last week. I think this will be one of those Eli games that he has become famous for. Two or three awful interceptions and of course, the Manning face.
RB1: Chris Johnson at CLE: I’ve got to put CJ2K in here, as much as it pains me. I watched the entire Titans game last week (unfortunately) and Johnson is just not himself. He is slow to the hole and not making anybody miss. It’s like the Titans ownership paid him his millions in pennies and he’s carrying around all that loose change in his socks.
RB2: Felix Jones vs. DET: The Lions have yet to allow a 100 yard rusher (thanks Leslie Frazier) and Felix is still banged up. Jones had his best game of the year last week against the Redskins, but still couldn’t finish the game. Look for Ndamukong Suh to go to work on that shoulder, testing to see if it really is healthy or not.
WR1: Plaxico Burress at BALT: This isn’t a bad matchup for the Jets as it seems the only way to score on Baltimore is through the air. But my big concern is Santonio Holmes, who moaned about only getting two targets last week. More often than not, when a star receiver whines, coaches go out of their way to make them happy. I see Holmes getting the majority of the love this week. Maybe Plax can whine next week.
WR2: Kenny Britt at the Doctors Office: I specifically remember telling each of you last week to sell high on Britt. I hope you listened.
WR3: Torrey Smith vs. NYJ: Everyone fell off the wagon in love with Smith after his monster performance in week 3. But let’s not name him Jerry Rice Jr. just yet. First, Smith is hurt and might not make it on the field this week. Second, he is still stuck behind Lee Evans on the depth chart. Evans must have a deal with the devil, because despite being mediocre to lousy everywhere he goes, he still gets a starting gig. Lastly, these flashes-in-the-pans happen all the time. Put together more than one good game and we’ll talk.
TE: Scott Chandler at CIN: Despite being in a shootout against a crummy defense, Chandler was targeted just three times last week. The Bills just have too many weapons! Did you ever think you would hear that? Of course, if you are stuck with someone like, oh I don’t know…Antonio Gates! Then you take what you can get out of Chandler. I hate all of you.
D/ST: Eagles vs. SF: What a bunch of louses. This is gut check week for a defense that has been abused from the get go. Even St. Louis put up points on them and the Rams are flat out awful. Not sure if it is Juan Castillo or just a bunch of guys who don’t like contact, except with their paychecks. This defense is week in and week out ranked in the top 10 and I’m not sure why.
Suicide pool pick of the week: I’m on a roll! Of course if I was putting actual money on these picks, I’d have lost every one. 
I’ve given you Arizona, the Jets and the Chargers. While something is screaming at me to take Cincinnati, I don’t have the guts. Instead, let’s roll with Tampa at home against Indy. The Colts used everything they had to hang with Pittsburgh last week and it still wasn’t enough. Tampa is the play for week four