Week 8 Fantasy Football: ‘Get ’em a body bag’

In my opinion, the greatest movie quote from a completely unknown character said ‘Get ’em a body bag.” (It was Tommy of the Cobra Kai, by the way).
NFL running backs are dropping like flies and even the return of the McRib can’t put a smile on my face.
With six teams on a bye, the pickings were slim to start with. Then, the bottom dropped out.
Earnest Graham got two carries. Darren McFadden — two. Marshawn Lynch — zero.
And the hits kept coming. Tim Hightower, done for the year. Beanie Wells, two to three weeks. Willis McGahee, two weeks to a month. Mark Ingram, who knows.
And to top it all off, Skeletor with a tan was at it again last week, proving that he doesn’t really care about winning, just about screwing over fantasy football players.
After leading the team in carries the previous two weeks, Ryan Torain, inexplicably, got two carries against the dreadful Panther’s defense. Even after Hightower blew a tire, Torain still didn’t get the ball.
The only way you can start Torain or Roy Helu going forward is if one or the other is inactive. Otherwise, you run the risk of getting a zero (as I can personally attest to — two carries for negative 5 yards!)
Earnest Byner, Ricky Ervins, Terry Allen — it wouldn’t surprise me if any of these guys come out of retirement to carry the load.
What makes all these injuries even worse is the fact that there are very few clear cut replacements stepping in.
How’s that KC running game working out since Jamal Charles went down? Jackie Battle led the team in carries last week with 16, but LaRon McClain and Javier Arenas got the two rushing touchdowns.
In case you are not Javier Arenas or his mom, Arenas is a cornerback. Seriously, defensive back Javier Arenas has more rushing touchdowns on the season than the Chiefs’ two feature backs Battle and Dexter McCluster.
Arizona’s situation without Beanie is no better. You want Alfonso Smith or LaRod Stephens Howling? Me neither.
One good thing that did come out of week 7 was the arrival of DeMarco Murray.
The Cowboys have had some pretty good running backs in their time and Murray surpassed them all last week with his 253 yard day.
Yes, it was against the Rams, a team that would likely lose to Boise State, but still.
If there is a player on this planet that fits the definition of “sell high” it is Murray. It’s a shame, but he’s got a number of things going against him.
First is Jerry Jones, who handpicked Felix Jones to be America’s Next Top Running Back. In case you are new to this planet, Jerry doesn’t like to be proven wrong.
Next is Jason Garrett, who, in case you are Jerry Jones, isn’t a very good head football coach.
That should all add up to Felix being back to his Marion Barber-like ways by week 10 and Murray relegated to being the guy who runs out on the field to grab the tee during kickoffs. Sell! Sell! Sell!
Atlanta, Chicago, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Oakland and the Jets are off in week 8 and since I don’t own a single Packer in any of my leagues, this makes me happy.
If you are struggling with injuries or the bye weeks, here are some guys who could help (or hurt) you this weekend.

Put ’em in!
QB:  Christian Ponder at CAR: Ponder looked pretty good last week against the high pressure Packers defense. He’s got weapons, but more importantly, he’s got the Panthers defense. Carolina is near the bottom of the league in sacks and interceptions (12 and 4, respectively). This game could be a shootout.
RB1: Darren Sproles vs. STL: We all know how bad the Rams are against the run and I could see the Saints playing it cautious with Mark Ingram (do they really need to rush him back for this game?) Sproles has been the most consistent of the New Orleans backs anyway, but this week he could be extra special.
RB2: Javon Ringer vs. IND: CJ1K has bottomed out. The Titans have to do what is best for them right now or else the Texans are going to run away with the division. As I write this, Ringer is the better option for Tennessee.
WR1: Anquan Boldin vs. ARI: An angry Ravens squad is never any fun. Arizona has given up the fourth most points to WR this year and travel across country for a 1 p.m. game.
WR2: Mario Manningham vs. MIA: Mario was banged up for a while, but fresh off the bye, I expect him to return to the upper tier of wideouts, starting with a tasty matchup with the Fins. The Dolphins have given up a touchdown to a wide receiver in every game so far this year.
WR3: Brandon Lloyd vs NO: It didn’t take Lloyd long to get back in the swing of things with former head coach Josh McDaniels.  Lloyd was targeted a team high 12 times in his first game with the Rams. They’ll be playing from behind once again this week, so that should mean more numbers.
TE: Owen Daniels vs. JAX: Nobody allows more tight end receptions than the Jags. Houston is clicking and Jacksonville is due for a letdown coming off its biggest win of the year.
D/ST: Giants vs. MIA: The Giants are getting healthy, while the majority of Dolphins players wish they were getting hurt so they didn’t have to be a part of this abomination.

Take 'em out
QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick vs. WAS: The Skins have allowed just five passing touchdowns all year (that’s how many the Colts gave up just last week). Only the Jets and the Ravens have given up less. The Bills win this one, but they do it on the ground.
RB1: Bernard Scott at SEA: Scott is a trendy pickup this week since he will get the start with Cedric Benson suspended. But Seattle is actually pretty good against the run and if Scott was so good, why hasn’t he beaten Benson out of a job by now?
RB2: Maurice Morris at DEN: Jahvid Best is still out, but I counter that with the fact that Maurice Morris is still bad. Plus, Denver’s rush defense is solid, yet to allow a RB to score this year.
WR1: Sidney Rice vs. CIN: This is more of a condemnation of Charlie Whitehurst than Rice. Tavaris Jackson could return this week, in which case you could consider giving Sidney some love. But Nate Clements and Leon Hall have been able to shut down better wideouts than this.
WR2: Reggie Wayne at TEN: Do you think Reggie wishes that he could take back that endorsement of Curtis Painter? Wayne has become a non-factor, having not scored since week one. He was targeted a season low four times last week and this week draws a tough Titans secondary.
WR3: Dez Bryant at PHI: The Dez hype is way overblown. The way people talk you’d think he was Jerry Rice reincarnated, but the numbers don’t jive. ‘Oh, I’m injured…wah, wah, wah.’ The fact of the matter is Dez is on pace for a 904 yard, 50 catch season and this week he locks up with a rejuvenated Eagles defense. You probably won’t be sitting Bryant on your bench, but if you think he is a top 10 receiver, you are kidding yourself.
TE: Heath Miller vs. NE: As bad as the Patriots secondary is at stopping opposing wide receivers, they have thus far stifled tight ends. Miller has picked his game up of late, but this could be a down week against New England.
K: Stephen Gostkowski at PIT: Heinz Field is a kicker’s nightmare and Gostkowski hasn’t been good for much more than extra points this year anyhow.
D/ST: Jacksonville at HOU: The Jags held Baltimore to just seven points last week. Hopefully you took full advantage, because you might never see that again.
Suicide Pool Pick of the Week: The Ravens will not lose to Arizona. So it is written.
Keep an eye out for my weekly positional rankings which will be posted every Friday on mapleshadeprogress.com’s blog section on the bottom right of the screen. Also tune your radio to Z88.9 FM, Burlington County College radio, this and every Sunday at noon.  We’ll be offering up all the last minute fantasy advice you might need to make it a winning week.