Week 15: My Christmas wish list

Dear Santa,
I’ve been a very good (fairly good) boy all year long. My kids made up their Christmas wish list three months ago, but here is mine. I know it’s been a while since I wrote you, but here goes. For Christmas, I would like….
 TV broadcasters to stop telling me how the Eagles can still make the playoffs. For one, they don’t deserve to make it. Second, the chances of it happening are astronomical. Can you see this team winning four in a row? And third, what satisfaction is there in making it to the playoffs knowing you have no shot at winning it all. Don’t give me that baloney that once you are in the playoffs, anybody can win it. You and I both know that ain’t true with this team.
The fat Jonah Hill back. He looks super creepy as a thin guy and everyone knows that fat guys are funnier than skinny guys. Come back into the fold, Jonah. We won’t begrudge you.
All my old Star Wars toys back. My grandmother sold them all when I went to college, but now my son is a fanatic and that is all he wants for Christmas. My Rancor and AT-AT are out there somewhere. Come home.
Tim Tebow to make the Super Bowl. Can you imagine what that week leading up to the game would be like?
Some love for running backs. I understand it is the year of the uber-quarterback, with Rodgers, Brees and Brady all setting records. But there is no position more grueling than starting NFL tailback. For a guy to make it through all 16 games healthy is a near miracle. Three weeks to go and there are only a handful who can say they’ve done it all year long as the premiere guy: Shady McCoy, Ray Rice, MJD, Michael Turner, and Chris Johnson.
The Robyn CD. I want to learn to dance like this.
Advance tickets to “GI Joe 2.” The first was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. But I just can’t quit you, Joe. Plus, this one has Lady Jaye in it! Yo Joe!
A good Thursday night game. NFL network wants you to pay extra to watch, but then they give us Jacksonville, Cleveland, Indianapolis? If it weren’t for my addiction to the Redzone, I’d say buh-bye.
 A rainy, miserable Sunday. I feel terrible about myself at the end of each NFL Sunday when I realized I just sat on my living room couch for 12 hours, while it was a beautiful day outside. Scarlett Johansson could be in my backyard jumping on a trampoline at 1 p.m. this Sunday and I wouldn’t make it out there to see. Sad.

Jimmy Darmody back on “Boardwalk Empire.” Nucky, how could you?
An updated version of “Double Dare.” That show rocked and you know it.
An Eagles win over the Jets. I know this contradicts wish No. 1, but to be able to ruin the hopes and dreams of all the Jets mongoloids out there would make me a happy man.
A pox on Andre Johnson. You are officially on my “do not ever draft again” list. Thanks for nothing.
A fantasy championship for each and every one of you. The fantasy playoffs are here! Rejoice and revel in all its glory.

Put ’em in!
QB: Jake Locker vs IND: If you are in the playoffs, chances are you have a stud at QB like Rodgers or Brees. But if you happen to be in a two QB league, Locker is as good a play as you will find this week. He showed some serious gumption last week against a good Houston defense, throwing for one score and running in another on an amazingly athletic play. Still no word on if old man Hasselbeck is going to play, but against a repugnant Colts defense, Locker would be a solid play if you are in a pinch.
RB1: Felix Jones vs TB: I knew all along that Felix would get his job back! Demarco Murray’s run for Rookie of the Year was snapped, literally and figuratively, against the Giants. Felix looked fresh and has to be salivating at the chance to run against the lowly Bucs defense. Most TD’s allowed to RB’s. Fourth most yards allowed to RB’s. And nobody to vulture carries.
RB2: Roy Helu at NYG: My love for Roy Helu continues. Three straight 100 yard rushing games. Now up to 29th in scoring among all RB’s, despite barely playing in 6 games this season. Mike Shanahan should be fired on principle for not giving this guy the gig in week one.
WR1: Demaryius Thomas vs NE: Thomas has been hit or miss most of this year, but the last two weeks things seem to have clicked. Tim Tebow is finally looking his way as the first option (20 targets over that span). Plus, the wretched Pats secondary is coming to town. A picture perfect late season flyer.
WR2: Dwayne Bowe vs GB: Whether it is Tyler Palko or rookie Ricky Stanzi under center this weekend, the Chiefs will be playing from behind. Way behind. Bowe snaps his eight-game scoreless streak for those of you who held on to him through thick and thin.
WR3: Robert Meacham at MIN: Just a hunch, but I think Meacham will burn this decrepit secondary for a long one. Nobody gives up WR touchdowns like your Minnesota Vikings.
TE: Tony Gonzalez vs JAX: The only tight end hotter than Tony G is the inhuman Rob Gronkowski. Gonzalez has six or more catches in five straight games and now goes up against the Jags, who have allowed more tight end receptions than anyone else in the league.
D/ST: Seahawks at CHI: The Hawks have been one of those sneaky good fantasy plays all year. They’ve scored two weeks in a row and now get to face off against Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber III. Good times.

Take ’em out!
QB: Michael Vick vs NYJ:  You get the feeling Vick finally got the hint about running without abandon. Only nine yards rushing in his first game back from injury. But if Vick is going to be of value this week, it will be on the ground. The Jets have allowed just 12 TD’s through the air this year, second behind only Baltimore.
RB1: Rashard Mendenhall at SF: The numbers continue to amaze. Still no rushing TD’s allowed. Only 728 yards gained by opposing RB’s, which is 247 less than the next closest team. Throw in the fact that Mendenhall has been less than stellar and you’ve got a wrong matchup at the wrong time.
RB2: CJ Spiller vs MIA: The Dolphins allowed Shady McCoy to score two short TD’s last week, which doubled their season total allowed to RB’s. The Bills will have to win this game through the air, which means they won’t win.
WR1: Vincent Jackson vs BAL: Tough matchup for V-Jax, but no guts, no glory. Sure, he’s been a top 10 fantasy WR, but not against this defense, allowing the fewest QB points and 6th fewest WR points. Just one TD allowed by a wideout in the last five games.
WR2: Pierre Garcon vs TEN: Garcon has scored touchdowns in three different games this year. In the other 10, he is averaging 4 receptions and 43 yards per game.  Not worth the risk.
WR3: Mario Manningham vs WAS: The Skins secondary is solid, allowing just seven WR touchdowns all year. They even held the Patriots wideouts in check, for the most part. Manningham has been bounced to the clear cut No. 3 man in the rotation. Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks each saw twice as much action last week.
TE: Jermaine Gresham at STL: Another statistical anomaly. The Rams give up the seventh most RB points and the fifth most WR points, but are the stingiest team in the league against tight ends. They are No. 1 in receptions against (40), yards against (374) and touchdowns against (1). Doesn’t get much weirder than that, but the numbers never lie.
D/ST: Denver vs NE: A top 10 fantasy defense, you should probably look elsewhere, at least for this week. Denver’s impressive streak has come against just one team that can be considered an above average offense (San Diego). The last time they played an elite offense, Detroit in week 8, they surrendered 45 points.
Be sure to tune in to the fantasy football show on Z88.9 FM this Friday night at 7 p.m. For two full hours we’ll break down every game for this week’s huge fantasy playoffs. And if you need any fantasy advice, drop us a line at fantasyfootballonz889@hotmail.com.We’ll answer your questions live on the air.